I want you and you are not here. I pause
in this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.
Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,
into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.
I really didn’t expect to feel this emotional on my last day at work. I really do work with some generous, beautiful people and I don’t take a second of it for granted even if some of them have driven me crazy at times. I was given like 20 balloons, a terrarium for my new desk and a couple of cards as well as a ton of hugs and kind words. Tonight we will go out and celebrate. I was doing fine and then suddenly I just had to leave. I feel bad about not taking the time to really talk to each person I wanted to before I left but I was becoming pretty useless and teary. Also I was sweating and carrying 20 balloons and a terrarium and all the random crap I needed to remove from the store for my last shift, and it was getting kind of ridiculous.
I’m so scared and excited for my next job.